Crime(Stop)

Rape Survivor Wakes Up and Realizes It Isn’t Her Fault

 


I'm unsure where to start out . i do not know why I'm "breaking the silence." a part of me wants to be recognized as a survivor, and a neighborhood of me must tell the story just to survive. Ultimately, i would like other women to understand . i would like other women who've lived it to understand they're not alone
Rape Survivor Wakes Up


My nightmare began once I was five. I had a cousin who made his "rounds" with my cousin, my sister and myself. My most vivid memory is in my grandmother's apartment. Grandma had an area just doors from her bedroom. it had been used for guests and odds/ends. Clark (I haven't any qualms about giving out names) had been fondling me for sometime at now , but usually he did it on the staircase once you entered the building. I remember he did it while he was lecture people . He'd stop me as i used to be getting to my apartment on the second floor, put his hand up my skirt and into my panty. His hand would move around, but not really doing much because i attempted to stay my legs tightly shut. I remember he did it while he was lecture someone one afternoon.

Anyway, one afternoon he told me to travel to my grandmother's guest room. I did. Clark had me lay on the guest bed and parted my legs. I honestly don't remember what he did. i feel he spoke to me. Mostly I searched at the ceiling and at the door. i do not remember what i used to be thinking until my aunt opened the door and peeked in. i used to be relieved. I knew it might need to stop now that he was caught. Clark didn't hear my aunt enter the space , and she or he shut the door behind her - not saying a word. I forgave her immediately thinking that she didn't want to interrupt him, but later she'll maybe tell him he has got to stop.

I don't remember anything then . Just the hope I felt because somebody else knew. That afternoon I waited for something to happen, but nothing did. Finally, I visited the kitchen after twiddling with my cousins, for a drink of water. My grandmother and therefore the aunt who saw the incident were talking about me. As I entered the space , my grandmother asked me if Clark had been "touching" me. I happily answered "yes." i used to be ready for the roof to subside because I hated it so. I knew this point that it wasn't my fault. I knew this point HE would be the one in trouble. But instead my aunt asked ME why I LET HIM do this .

I was instructed to inform him subsequent time he does it to mention "no". That was it. nobody ever talked to Clark. My parents eventually moved and things were kept quiet until i used to be 15. Clark went on together with his friends to molest and rape other members of the family, including my ally . i feel that that was once I began to feel that men would always overpower me. i think that incident alone determined the very fact that i used to be getting to blame myself whenever i used to be taken advantage of.

I mean today I understand that a 5 year old could never have defended herself in such a situation, but once I was raped again at the age of 19 I brought the rapist a bouquet of flowers to apologize for fighting him off. It's weird. I'm 28 years old and just beginning to awaken . It's unbelievably painful.

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Rape Survivor Wakes Up and Realizes It Isn’t Her Fault

 


I'm unsure where to start out . i do not know why I'm "breaking the silence." a part of me wants to be recognized as a survivor, and a neighborhood of me must tell the story just to survive. Ultimately, i would like other women to understand . i would like other women who've lived it to understand they're not alone
Rape Survivor Wakes Up


My nightmare began once I was five. I had a cousin who made his "rounds" with my cousin, my sister and myself. My most vivid memory is in my grandmother's apartment. Grandma had an area just doors from her bedroom. it had been used for guests and odds/ends. Clark (I haven't any qualms about giving out names) had been fondling me for sometime at now , but usually he did it on the staircase once you entered the building. I remember he did it while he was lecture people . He'd stop me as i used to be getting to my apartment on the second floor, put his hand up my skirt and into my panty. His hand would move around, but not really doing much because i attempted to stay my legs tightly shut. I remember he did it while he was lecture someone one afternoon.

Anyway, one afternoon he told me to travel to my grandmother's guest room. I did. Clark had me lay on the guest bed and parted my legs. I honestly don't remember what he did. i feel he spoke to me. Mostly I searched at the ceiling and at the door. i do not remember what i used to be thinking until my aunt opened the door and peeked in. i used to be relieved. I knew it might need to stop now that he was caught. Clark didn't hear my aunt enter the space , and she or he shut the door behind her - not saying a word. I forgave her immediately thinking that she didn't want to interrupt him, but later she'll maybe tell him he has got to stop.

I don't remember anything then . Just the hope I felt because somebody else knew. That afternoon I waited for something to happen, but nothing did. Finally, I visited the kitchen after twiddling with my cousins, for a drink of water. My grandmother and therefore the aunt who saw the incident were talking about me. As I entered the space , my grandmother asked me if Clark had been "touching" me. I happily answered "yes." i used to be ready for the roof to subside because I hated it so. I knew this point that it wasn't my fault. I knew this point HE would be the one in trouble. But instead my aunt asked ME why I LET HIM do this .

I was instructed to inform him subsequent time he does it to mention "no". That was it. nobody ever talked to Clark. My parents eventually moved and things were kept quiet until i used to be 15. Clark went on together with his friends to molest and rape other members of the family, including my ally . i feel that that was once I began to feel that men would always overpower me. i think that incident alone determined the very fact that i used to be getting to blame myself whenever i used to be taken advantage of.

I mean today I understand that a 5 year old could never have defended herself in such a situation, but once I was raped again at the age of 19 I brought the rapist a bouquet of flowers to apologize for fighting him off. It's weird. I'm 28 years old and just beginning to awaken . It's unbelievably painful.
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